AKA What a Life!
by Darkclarkson
Summary: Songfic based on the lyrics of the song "AKA... What a Life!" by Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds. Asuka is suffering from nightmares that may prove to be more than just dreams. But can she save herself? One-shot, non-canon, OOC.


A/N: I've been wondering for a while how to get an Evangelion fic up here, without either turning it into something of a satire or doing another crossover with Harry Potter. As luck would have it, I was listening to my HFB album and this little gem just jumped out at me with the words "WRITE AN EVANGELION SONGFIC WITH ME, YOU IDIOT!" So I did. It's not particularly long, but I hope I don't stray too far out of character. Needless to say, I don't own Evangelion or the song AKA... What a Life! They belong to some other people instead.

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><p>She opened her eyes, and sat bolt upright, gasping for air. She stared into the half-darkness that immersed her, blinking rapidly as her eyes adjusted themselves to the various fragments of shadow around her. Light trickled into the room from the gap in the curtains, a full moon visible behind, peeking round the edges, trying to find a way into her room. She found the small chink of pale white beyond the black fabric and traced it with her eyes, trying to find the curvature of the sphere in the sky, but to no avail. She thought for a moment she saw a figure pass by in space, creating a silhouette on the surface, but it went as quickly as it had appeared. For all she knew, it simply could have been her mind playing tricks on her.<p>

Asuka Langley Soryu fell heavily back in her bed and stared numbly at the ceiling as her breathing began to slowly return to its normal patterns. She suddenly became acutely aware of two things; firstly, that she was trembling like a leaf, and secondly, that she was drenched in sweat. Even in the dark, she could see little beads of perspiration that coated her skin and had soaked her nightdress. She gingerly raised an arm and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand; she saw more glisten in front of her eyes. She let it fall softly by her side and continued to stare upwards, towards the heavens.

It had been the third time she had had that dream. The first time, she had woken up practically screaming; when a bleary-eyed Misato and surprising alert Shinji had stuck their heads through the door, she had passed it off that she had stubbed her toe getting out of bed. Misato had appeared apparently satisfied with the answer and had returned to bed, but Shinji had been less sure. He hadn't left until she had physically left her bed and pushed him out into the hallway.

"Anta baka?" she asked in a harsh tone, and before he could reply, she slammed the door in his face. The moment she had done it, she felt guilty, but decided to do nothing to amend the situation. It was how she was; apologizing was not her style. Instead, she had turned round and got back into bed, trying to forget the visions she had just seen.

The second time it had happened, she had been in the apartment alone. Shinji had been out somewhere with Kaji – her Kaji – and Misato had been at work, trying to mop up the mess of the last Angel attack. Asuka had decided to simply have a lie-in, rather than do anything, and so had slept since the morning. She had woken up, not screaming this time, but still breathing heavily. She had sat still for several minutes, before slowly making her way out of bed and to the bathroom where she had been violently sick. Upon finishing emptying the contents of her stomach, she had crawled back into bed and fallen, mercifully, into a dreamless sleep. When she had woken up, she had displayed no indication to either of her housemates that anything out of the ordinary had happened; however, once or twice, she caught Shinji giving her a nervous, yet peculiar glance. She decided, for once, not to challenge him on it; she didn't want to invite more questions. Instead, she had ignored him as usual and retired to bed.

Asuka steadied herself on one elbow and turned over to glance at the digital alarm clock that was on one side of her bed, next to a photo of her, Shinji and Kaji, taken at some godforsaken place they had visited a while back. It read twenty-three minutes past two in the morning. Somewhere, she thought she could hear the faint sound of movement and noise; she presumed it was Shinji, listening to his blasted SDAT again. She heavily doubted that he was playing his cello at this time in the morning; if so, he was doing a very good job at keeping it in near-silence.

Slowly, Asuka moved her legs and swung them over the side of the bed. She felt dizzy immediately and quickly steadied herself, resting her hands on the edge of the mattress in order to make sure that she did not stumble upon getting up. After a few moments, she hauled herself upwards, moving her hands to rest against the side of the wardrobe. She stood still for a second, then turned and headed slowly towards the door. She slid it open as quietly as possible, then exited onto the landing. There was a slight increase in light here, with the window from the living area unblocked, the curtains half open. Asuka found it easier to find the handle for the bathroom door and she opened it before entering and closing it behind. She locked it, then flicked on the light.

Compared to the amount of space the rest of the apartment held, the bathroom was relatively spacious. There was a bath on the right hand side, which also doubled as a shower, a wash basin on the left and a toilet and towel rail on the wall opposite. Various unpacked cardboard boxes filled with supplies lined the wall with the hallway. Asuka trudged forward towards the sink and turned to look at herself in the mirror. She was deathly pale, her skin shining with the sweat it was drenched in. Her eyes appeared puffy and somewhat bloodshot, her hair was messy and unkempt and her general appearance was that of someone who had just been put through the ringer. She could see her wet skin through the fabric of her white nightdress. She sighed, and fumbled for the tap and reached over for a flannel. She soaked it in cool water and pressed it to her forehead, slowly wiping the sweat away. She repeated the procedure with the rest of her face, feeling it splash slowly down her neck and trail down her body. She shivered slightly at the feel of it on her bare skin but she shrugged it off. She looked back into the mirror and saw the iciness of her eyes slowly beginning to return, as well as some colour to her cheeks. She turned the tap off and gripped the edge so of the basin as she looked down at the running water slowing to a steady drip-drip, the last remnants disappearing down the plughole. She shut her eyes as the memories of the dream came flooding back to her.

Asuka didn't usually dream as a result of all the tests she had undergone as an Eva pilot; they had told her that it would've been unusual to dream, with the amount of conditioning and strengthening of the mind they had done. Dreaming only served as a distraction to the goal of defeating the Angels, and thus Asuka had blindly accepted that she did not need to dream. She had only just got round to not dreaming when the first one had happened and despite its intensity, she only remembered flashes. It was much of the same the second time around, but tonight it had been...different somewhat.

She had been on a beach. An empty beach, a beach devoid of everything except for herself, in bandages and a plugsuit, and a thousand small crosses off to one side. Otherwise, there was only her, the sand, the sky and the blood. There was always the blood. Or LCL. She wasn't sure which it was. Regardless, it didn't matter. There had always been that in the dream, lapping up against the shores, soaking her feet. And there had been something that looked like an Eva, something similar in structure that had been impaled upon a spike or a lance, hanging there, jutting out of the earth and the sea. But the most disturbing thing that stuck out vividly in her mind was what had appeared to be a giant head. Well, half a giant head. It was almost certainly dead, whatever it was, but the thing that had caused Asuka to scram out was the fact that it appeared to by the head of the First Child.

And the weirdest, most horrifying thing was that it seemed all so real.

The second time, there had been only one difference. There had been a body on the shore. She hadn't noticed it before and had almost missed it again. She wondered how she could have been so blind to it, in a place this empty of existence. She had slowly made her way over to it, slipping in the soft sand, until she had made it over to the figure.

She had been shocked when she had discovered Shinji.

He was dressed in his school clothes, his eyes shut, arms draped at his side, unmoving, unflinching. His face registered a neutral expression, one of plainness, lacking any sort of emotion. There was no sorrow or pain in his features for once, but there was no happiness, no excitement, no euphoria. Not even the faintest ghost of a smile.

She had been wondering whether she should go and touch him, try to wake him, when his eyes had suddenly open to reveal a deep blood-red iris that seemed to go straight through her, like the eyes of the giant head so far out. Before she knew what was happening, he was on her like a wild animal, his features twisting from human into something else, his face shifting expressions rapidly, but all conveying hatred, a deep loathing and hatred-

As she had been throwing up several minutes later, the image had branded itself into the forefront of her mind, of the eyes and the vicious attack that had been cut short by her awakening. She was glad that she had as she didn't know if she would have been able to mentally survive the rest of it. She never liked to admit to being scared; the dream had left her paralyzed by fear.

But it was just a dream.

She was removing her nightdress in order to towel herself off when she heard a noise from the other side of the bathroom door, in the hallway. She froze in the act, then fully removed the garment and stood facing the door. She heard the noise again; the faint sound of footsteps, creaking on the floor outside. Slowly, she edged herself towards the door and pressed an ear against it, holding her breath. She heard the faint movements from the other side and almost gave a scream when she heard a voice.

"Asuka? Are you alright?"

Shinji. She gave no answer. After a few moments of silence, she made up her mind to reply to him.

"Yes," she replied tentatively.

"Are you sure?" He didn't sound convinced; she could hear the worry in his voice.

She was about to retort and tell him to stop worrying, when she was suddenly hit by another memory, from the dream she had just had; she stopped with her mouth open as it returned to her.

They were on the beach. Except she was no longer in her plugsuit and he was no longer in his school uniform. Instead, they were both dressed in clothes she had never seen before; she was in a light blue dress and he was in slacks and a green short-sleeved shirt. He was laughing, and she could feel herself smiling as well.

And they weren't alone.

Some twenty feet in front of them was a young girl, no older than six. She had strawberry blonde, red hair that came down to her waist, wide blue eyes and a mischievous smirk on her face as she played in the sand, trying to build a castle. It kept on falling over and she kept on laughing.

For a moment, in Asuka's mind, everything seemed to click at once, as if this was the answer she had been searching for; then, suddenly, the girl vanished, she was back in the plugsuit and animal-Shinji was bearing down on her again, preparing to savage her body and tear her to pieces, his eyes red like fire-

"Asuka? Asuka?"

She came out of her dream and stared at the door handle as Shinji continued to call out for her on the other side, his voice slowly beginning to sound more... desperate?

"No."

"Pardon?"

"No, I'm not really alright."

There was silence for a moment as Asuka felt tears slowly begin to well up inside her at her confession. She had never previously admitted that anything was wrong to anyone, yet she had just done it then. It was threatening to release a wave of emotion within her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Asuka considered the offer for a moment as she stood; she drew her ear back and instead rested her forehead against the door.

"Not right now."

Silence for a few seconds.

"Well, if you do, you know where I am. I'm here if you need to talk Asuka."

"I know," she replied, sounding slightly tearful. "You can go."

She received no reply, but instead heard footsteps softly retreating up the corridor as her emotional defence finally cracked.

As she stood naked, for the first time in nearly nine years, Asuka Langley Soryu started to cry. She felt the hot tears sting her raw cheeks as they trickled down her face and down her body. She did not care that she had broken her promise to herself; there would be no more hiding the emotions from now on.

She needed to love and be loved in return. And there was possibly only one person who could do that.

_**Someday you might find your hero,  
>Some say you might lose your mind,<br>I keeping my head down now for the summer,  
>I'm outta my mind, let me pull the other,<br>I'm gonna take that tiger outside for a ride.**_

_**What a life!**_  
><em><strong>What a life!<strong>_

_**Keep on chasing down that rainbow,  
>You'll never know what you might find,<br>Over the sunset, on the horizon,  
>Maybe you dream, but it tastes like poison,<br>I'm gonna take that tiger outside for a ride.**_

_**What a life!  
>What a life!<strong>_


End file.
